It's 2:15 AM in the morning and I have found myself wide awake tossing in bed contemplating my worries, planning the day ahead and strategies for efficient packing. It's finally a night where Beckham is sleeping (he has been sick)not up every hour screaming and I can't sleep. My tired body wants to sleep but my restless mind won't let me. I once heard ( I think from Dr. OZ) that writing about your thoughts can help one relax and then fall asleep. I thought I would update my blog and write about some of my anticipation and hopefully relieve a little stress.
I have been packing up my house these past weeks. This week has gotten pretty stressful in last minute packing, final goodbyes with close friends who are moving to Utah and getting closer to finalizing a house purchase in Indiana. Little did I know that I would find myself stressed, a crying mess, and depending heavily on the Lord for spiritual and temporal guidance. My faith has been strengthened that he hears our prayers and stands ready to lighten our load. It is small trials like these that help focus me in on what truly matters, our faith in the Lord and the love for our family. I have great family and friends that are willing to help and have expressed concern for my well being. You will never know how your calls, help in packing, and advice have given me strength and relieved some of my burdens.
As I have been packing up this week I have so many thoughts-- sad, happy, relieved, and scared. I am sad to leave our first little home. I don't know if Jason and I are quite the home owners, when it comes to home maintenance, most times we are somewhat clueless (thank goodness for Phil, DJ, Kenney Sackette, and my mom for helping us). But, the home and our family seemed to survive well these past three years. There are many memories in this home, many which revolve around family and friends. Our home has been strengthened by family togetherness and the many people who have entered our home and touched our lives.
I am happy and relieved to start a new chapter in our life with new surroundings, different thinking and exciting experiences. It may be crazy to some but, for a few good reasons, I am excited to regain a life of simplicity. The first being that, we live in a world so focused on consumerism, objects and power that at times it's hard not to be drawn in. Going back to school it will be nice to escape this, somewhat. I have seen how the love of money and power ruins friendships and changes people. I don't ever want the love of things to come before the love for people. Second, Jason and I have discussed that some of our happiest memories have been when we have had nothing but friends and family. We always laugh that our newly-wed years were so fun hanging out with close friends and enjoying life. Life was more about experiences not worrying over which couch you were going to buy, what the neighbors might think, or appearing to have a life of perfection. Last but not least, I will be so poor that the freedom to purchase will be extremely limited and after packing all week I don't want to pack another object. It is has been freeing to get rid of so much clutter and "things" that occupy our space and life.
Lastly, as our time is coming to a close and we are embarking on a new journey I am starting to get a little scared. Change is good but, change is hard. I am hoping that our little family will adjust well to all this change. We have the strength of each other and the Lord, this will get us through.
Hopefully, after expressing a few of my thoughts and concerns, I will now be able to get some sleep. I hope my rambling and venting didn't put most of you to sleep. I have to apologize for my lack of blog updates. I have so many great photos and experience of the kids playing sports, field trips, and birthday parties that I want to share-- but, they will have to wait until next week. I have also missed staying up-to-date on all your blogs, so keep on posting and hopefully in the next weeks I will be able to view them.
9 comments:
Kel,
I wish I was there to help you through all of this. If anyone can make it through such a time, it is you. You are, quite possibly, one of the strongest people I know. I love you to death and I can't wait to see you in just a couple of weeks. Love, Aly
Kellie- It's Debi (Johnson) Lyman- I found your blog from Shelley Reid's. Anyway, I loved this entry! It's amazing what a move or a big change in your life can do. Good luck! Keep updating- it's fun to see how everyones' kids are growing!- Take care! Love, Debi (My Blog:lymanfamilyof6.blogspot.com)
Kel, I am really excited for this new change in your life. Now that I have actually made the break and left Utah, I think experiences like this make you a stronger person. I hope all will go smoothly with the move. Give me a call whenever you get a free minute!
Hang in there Kel! Change is always so hard, even when you know that it is what you want. I know you guys are going to do great in Indiana! You have your priorities right.
I remember thinking about how happy I was when Darren and I were first married and had almost no material possesions or money. We talked about how we needed to remember how happy we were at the time. I think about it often when I think to myself that I will be happy once I get a new car, etc. . .
Good luck. . call us if you guys are in SF.
Simply beautifully written and completely true. While change can seem different and exciting, it brings an entire new set of fears and worries. Don't let them get the best of you. You, like Aly said, are one strong lady and I know this move will bring new friends, adventure and happiness.
Good luck with the packing, moving and goodbyes. Those are the hardest bits. It's the end of a chapter and a start another. I know the next one will be wonderful as well.
We'll be thinking of you!!
I loved the post. I can imagine how you're feeling and am impressed with your faith. Please let me know if we can be of help to you on this side!
i think it's great to let out all your fears and frustrations. it's always therapeutic. just think of all the friends you'll make and experiences you'll have. it's going to be great and the two years will fly by. let's plan something for when you come to utah.
Kellie,
You are amazing! I felt each thing you were saying to be oh so true. It really helped me today to put my trials into perspective.
Thanks for that. I am praying for your safe arrival in Indiana and for peace to accompany your heart of troubles.
Thanks for being such a great example to me.
Much Love,
Heather :)
You are awesome. I love your middle of the night entry. I think we can all relate to those kinds of nights when we are stressed and our mind is racing. Smart girl to get up and write about it. Hope it helped! We are really going to miss you and your family. You are going to have a wonderful adventure because you will have your most important treasures...your family!
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